Friday, February 15, 2013

Lines I'd Love to Include, But . . .

I always have them. Those lines that would be funny or absurd and just don't quite fit in a manuscript. Sometimes when the characters are having conversations, one of them will just come up with an answer that's inappropriate.

Here's some conversation between Lo and Bliss, the characters from The Maiden's Match. He's trying to get inside an abandoned mission in California to search for a demon called the cluitie, but Bliss is determined to keep him out.

 “Open the damn door, woman.”
She resisted the juvenile urge to ask or what? “You've trespassed onto sacred land. The occupants of San Amaro are not required to open the door in times of threat.”
“The occupants of . . . . This mission is supposed to be abandoned. In ruin. Forsaken by godly people and left salted and devastated by pagans.”
Bliss laughed, a bitter sound that burned her throat and ears. “Which are you?”
“I'm the f—king cluitie hunter, that's who!”

I'm 99.9% certain there's not a single f-bomb in any of the L&L books. So this line has to go. Nice try, Lo. Another one was an argument in the 4th book, The Siren's Sentinel, where the hero was arguing with his brother. I wanted so badly to include the word asshat in the dialogue, but it wasn't period appropriate. Maybe someday I'll write a contemporary romance and just sprinkle asshat throughout.


  1. Is any book truly complete without an asshat?

    Writing period dialogue is tough, and you do it well. It's fun to see what you edit out, though.

  2. I just nominated you for a Liebster Award. Come to my blog to see what it's all about.